Tag Archives: Humour

The most pernicious phrase of the month

Posted on by
Reply

The winner is a staple of all authentic Anglican Machiavellianism. It is:

The Listening Process.

The winning phrase combines all the necessary qualities:

  • It beguiles the naïve into taking it at face value; really, no-one is listening because they are either asleep or talking.
  • It is more disingenuous than Fred Hiltz’s smile.
  • Its potential to stun is rivalled only by a taser.
  • After half an hour it causes a nose-bleed.
  • Like any phrase ending in “process” it is designed to prevent the previous word of the phrase occurring.

Isabel redux

Posted on by
Reply

We are not amused:

Had she known, Windsor Castle’s most famous resident would not have been amused.

A couple were caught having sex on a grass bank outside the Queen’s residence yesterday – as hundreds of shocked tourists looked on in horror and amusement.

Apparently unable to control themselves, the drunken pair stripped naked and began having sex in front of the Castle’s Garter Tower in full view of a busy road and shops.

Amused Japanese tourists jostled for position as they filmed the couple.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X379Qe18_kM]

Garden gnomes for the prurient rustic

Posted on by
3

A gardener in the West Midlands, UK is inspiring licentiousness in the population of the tiny village of Hunnington by Add an Imagedisplaying naked garden gnomes. The town council, in a last ditch effort to prevent the village sinking into a slough of Rabelaisian orgiastic abandon, has ordered that the gnomes be robed.

Friendly, unassuming and often cheeky, garden gnomes delight visitors to gardens all over the country, and are rarely a cause for complaint.

But widow Sandra Smith has had to go clothes shopping after a neighbour complained her gnomes were showing just a bit too much bare-faced cheek.

The naked gnomes – which have been pride of place in her West Midlands garden for 15 years – now sport an extra layer after a call from a council officer.

The gymnophobic neighbour has complained:

‘They are childish and I think it pathetic that they are in a front garden in full view of everyone.’

That may be so, but the real question is, is the censorship of nude gnomes a threat to cultural diversity?

The Fashionable Vicar

Posted on by
1

The latest fashions among the clergy were on display as local priests swapped pulpits for the catwalk.

PD*26595971
Fred, trying not to look too butch, strutted confidently along the catwalk modelling his flowing vestments in Winter White with blue accents by Wipple of Exeter.

When a bright-eyed, breathlessly flushed Fred was interviewed later, he confided that “Canadian clergy are no longer willing to put up with dirty, worn-out robes.” Gracefully twirling, he told us that “our women clergy have brought a fresh new look to garments. We call it Fresh Expressions.”