The iMission statement

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Apple likes to boast that on the iPhone, there is an application for everything: there is even one that generates canned mission statements. The sample statements do evoke an eerie resonance with the various meaningless and vapid specimens I encountered in the companies I have worked for over the years. Here are some of the iMission statements:

Our mission is to continue to appropriately foster strategic value while continuing to conveniently empower alternative data while striving for technical leadership.

Our challenge is to authoritatively restore an expanded array of quality vectors in order to distinctively promote diverse testing procedures to stay competitive in tomorrow’s world.

It is our responsibility to intrinsically build leading-edge total linkage so that we may endeavour to synergistically streamline premium customer service for 100% customer satisfaction.

We will conveniently pursue optimal synergy and also globally negotiate standards-compliant collaboration and idea sharing to meet our customer’s needs. [as an aside, I can’t help noticing that the company that adopts this has only one customer; this is one more than the company deserves]

And now I know where the Diocese of Niagara’s Bishop Michael Bird obtained his vision statement:

Prophetic social justice‐making; flourishing culture of innovation; outstanding leadership for ministry; effective resource management.

The UN circus

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Gaddaffi’s insane ramblings were too much for his translator, who succumbed to the barrage by declaring he “couldn’t take it any more”:

Colonel Gaddafi’s bizarre rant at the UN was met with yawns and disbelief by delegates.

But it was too much for the eccentric Libyan leader’s translator who is said to have collapsed with exhaustion during the lengthy diatribe.

The beleaguered interpreter cried ‘I just can’t take it any more,’ into a live microphone in Arabic after 75 minutes of Gaddafi’s ramblings.

He was replaced by the UN’s Arabic section chief, Rasha Ajalyaqeen, who translated the final 20 minutes of the speech.

Canada and others walked out on the odious Ahmadinejad’s battological drivel, thus sparing themselves from a similar breakdown, while Obama made the rather curious statement:

“I have been in office for just nine months — though some days it seems a lot longer. I am well aware of the expectations that accompany my presidency around the world. These expectations are not about me. Rather, they are rooted, I believe, in a discontent with a status quo that has allowed us to be increasingly defined by our differences”

Ignoring the first – it really is all about me section – Obama seems to have somehow missed the fact that, if we are not defined by our differences, we will find ourselves in rather strange company.

The deification of Obama

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This is how it used to be:

A cult of personality arises when a country’s leader uses mass media to create an idealized and heroic public image, often through unquestioning flattery and praise. Cults of personality are often found in dictatorships and Stalinist governments.

A cult of personality is similar to general hero worship, except that it is created specifically for political leaders. However, the term may be applied by analogy to refer to adulation of religious or non-political leaders.

Now we have the Cult of Obama as  promoted in elementary school:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InpA1cI-P6s]

Song 1:
Mm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama
He said that all must lend a hand
To make this country strong again
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said we must be fair today
Equal work means equal pay
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that we must take a stand
To make sure everyone gets a chance
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said red, yellow, black or white
All are equal in his sight
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Yes!
Mmm, mmm, mm
Barack Hussein Obama

Song 2:

Hello, Mr. President we honor you today!
For all your great accomplishments, we all doth say “hooray!”

Hooray, Mr. President! You’re number one!
The first black American to lead this great nation!

Hooray, Mr. President we honor your great plans

To make this country’s economy number one again!
Hooray Mr. President, we’re really proud of you!

And we stand for all Americans under the great Red, White, and Blue!
So continue —- Mr. President we know you’ll do the trick

So here’s a hearty hip-hooray —-
Hip, hip hooray!

Hip, hip hooray!
Hip, hip hooray!

Anglican Bishops: vendors of religion

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The street preacher exhorting sinners to repent in order to avoid the fires of hell is less than popular these days. For the typical Anglican bishop, it is unthinkable: after all the fires of hell are already licking at the foundations of most Canadian dioceses. So, instead, the pitch is to attend a church – any church, or even religion (“tradition” as bishops like to say); and for those less than enamoured with rampant inclusion, there is always a chance of a conversation about gay priests with one of the mitred reverends. It’s all very civilised:Add an Image

Bishops make pitch to startled commuters

Idling taxis, hot dog stands and four smiling Anglican bishops in full regalia. That was the sight greeting sleepy-eyed commuters leaving Union Station during this morning’s rush hour.

Sporting long, damask robes of pearly white or sky blue, heads topped with pointed bishop’s hats, the clergy passed out cards encouraging the Bay Street hordes to make their way to a house of worship this Sunday. Most people accepted the handout drowsily, without comment; others seemed startled or amused at the group’s elaborate outfits. A few passers-by stopped for quick chats before scurrying along to their offices.

“You invite people to baseball games or to the movies,” said Bishop of Toronto Colin Johnson.  “Traditionally, we’ve not been good at inviting people to come to church.”

Johnson oversees the 211 parishes of an area that stretches from Mississauga to Brighton and north to Haliburton; in total, 80,000people are on the church’s rolls. This morning’s outing was modelled on the United Kingdom’s “Back to Church Sunday” a two-year-old program that encourages regular churchgoers to invite friends to join them.

Although the foursome represent the 254 congregations of the Golden Horseshoe, Johnson stressed that they were encouraging Torontonians of all faiths to reconnect with their own traditions. “Faith gives life perspective, shape, direction and hope,” he said. “It helps people see they’re part of something larger than themselves.”

Most who stopped to chat with the bishops seemed to be regular churchgoers already. Making his way from Whitby to Bay Street via GO Train, Gerald Godinho stopped to debate with Bishop Linda Nicholls about ordaining gay and lesbian priests, a contentious issue that has led various international Anglican Communion members to threaten fissure from the central church.

Rowan and Ahmadinejad on capitalism

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Ahmadinejad:

Capitalism’s “unfair system of fault has reached the end of the road and is unable to move,” Ahmadinejad, Iran’s president, said in his highly anticipated speech in New York.

Delegations from several nations, including the United States, walked out during the speech, partly in protest of Ahmadinejad’s past statements blasting Israel and denying the holocaust.

Rowan Williams:

Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, said he feared that the City was returning to business as usual with no ”repentance” for the excesses which led to the economic collapse.

”There hasn’t been what I would, as a Christian, call repentance. We haven’t heard people saying ‘well actually, no, we got it wrong and the whole fundamental principle on which we worked was unreal, was empty’.”

”It’s a failure to name what was wrong. To name that, what I called last year ‘idolatry’, that projecting (of) reality and substance onto things that don’t have them.”

Other than the fact that Ahmadinejad is a little more incoherent than Rowan, is there much difference?

The UN: A stage for lunatics

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And from Muammar Gaddafi, a prize lunatic we have:Add an Image

On the audience (after speaking for quite a while):
“Please can I have your attention. All of you are tired, having jet lag. … You are tired. All of you are asleep.”

Barack Obama (who he kept referring to as “my son”):
“We are happy that a young African Kenyan was voted for and made president. Obama is a glimpse in the dark for the next four years, but I’m afraid we may go back to square one. Can you guarantee that after Obama that America will be different? We would be happy if Obama could stay forever as the president of America.”

Taliban:
“Why are we against the Taliban? Why are we against Afghanistan? If the Taliban wants to make a religious state, okay, like the Vatican. Does the Vatican constitute a danger against us? No. If the Taliban wants to create an Islamic emirate, who said they are the enemy?”

I expect Obama, the glimpse in the dark, is gratified that his father is with him – comparing the Taliban to the Vatican – on his first appearance at the United Nuthouse.

The Gay Divorcee

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The 1934 version has acquired an entirely new meaning:

Trapped in a bad marriage?

Sorry, really. But you’ve got nothing on Larissa Chism and Tara Ranzy, a divorce-seeking Indiana couple doomed to live unhappily ever after and after and after by a legal Catch-22.

Chism, a psychiatrist, and Ranzy, an educator, wed in Toronto in January 2005. In March of this year, they filed a divorce petition.

In many respects, their case was rubber-stamp simple. They had no children; they had already divided their property; neither was pregnant. Unfortunately, an eagle-eyed court employee noticed the one complicating fact in their one-page joint submission: Larissa and Tara are both women’s names. Indiana does not grant or recognize same-sex marriages.

And so, a court there ruled Sept. 4, Chism and Ranzy cannot end their marriage because their marriage does not exist.

Nor can they simply return to Toronto to obtain a quickie divorce here, as one prominent Indiana social conservative suggested to the Indianapolis Star. Ontario, like same-sex-marriage-granting Massachusetts, requires one spouse to be a resident for a year or more before a divorce can be approved.

A perfect illustration of the chaos wrought by contemporary gender confusion; although if it had to happen to anyone, a psychiatrist and an educator seems fitting.

Diocese of Niagara: St. Hilda’s, the new Mary Celeste

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Ever since the day in February 2008 when St. Hilda’s voted to realign with the Province of the Southern Cone, the Diocese of Niagara  has maintained the pretence of needing the building – not to sell it for the value of the land, oh no – to hold services for those parishioners who wished to remain with the diocese. Except there weren’t any, so, over the last year and a half the diocese has imported people from other parishes – usually about 4 or 5 people – to create the illusion of a congregation.

This account in that bastion of conservative Christianity, the Toronto Star, is how it began in February 2008:

Preaching duel no contest.

In the battle of duelling pastors at St. Hilda’s Anglican Church in Oakville yesterday, Rev. Paul Charbonneau pitched a shutout.

More than 100 members of his flock turned out for what could be the last service he celebrates at the half-century-old building on Rebecca St. in the town’s west end.

It could be the last because the congregation has voted unanimously to split with the Anglican Church of Canada over several issues of fundamental faith, including same-sex marriage, which the congregation opposes. It has chosen to align itself with the principles of the worldwide Anglican Church, from which it says the Canadian wing split years ago.

Leaders of the Church’s Diocese of Niagara want to boot the congregation and Pastor Paul from the building, even though the local folks have paid off the mortgage, and funded the upkeep and utilities without a nickel from head office.

The congregation refuses to hand over the keys to the place and are content to await the result of a court hearing on Friday to determine who owns what, who gets to stay and who must go.

The Diocese parachuted in a relief reverend yesterday morning, ostensibly to preach to disenfranchised St. Hilda’s parishioners upset by the move.

The only problem? There weren’t any.

Sensing there would be rows of empty pews facing Rev. Brian Ruttan, the Diocese made calls and sent emails to members of three area churches, enticing about two dozen strangers to fill the seats.

Since then, there have been a total of 4 relief reverends, the penultimate being Cheryl Fricker who gave up for the summer and posted this on the diocesan web site:

St. Hilda’s Services for July and August will be held together with St. Aidan’s at 318 Queen Mary Drive in Oakville. Service Time is 10:00 am and all are welcome!

The date today is September 23rd and there has been no sign of the diocese in St. Hilda’s building on Sunday morning since June; even from the new  priest-poseur, Sue-Ann Ward. This makes the affidavit sworn by archdeacon Michael Patterson that the diocese has “15 to 25 adults and children in a creative and growing congregation” appear even more – creative.

There was the hint of a suggestion that I drove everyone away with a camera. Much as I would be happy to take credit for the cleansing of the temple, I fear that was not the case and the disappearance of the diocesan crew remains a Mystery.

Why we will probably lose in Afghanistan

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Tarek Fatah is a liberal, but in spite of that he occasionally says something that almost makes sense:

There were times when the West faced tyrants with vigour and bravery, ready to sacrifice its sons so that freedom and equality would not be compromised. Tens of thousands of young Canadian men died fighting the Nazis and their parents and citizenry held back their tears. Today, only 130 men have died, but Canadians are reacting as if it were 130,000. A people unwilling to make sacrifices do not deserve to fight wars, let alone win them.

Or, to put it another way:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bkt1vAX0MRM]