Warlord of Chaz to be new Archbishop of Canterbury

After a great deal of soul searching, Justin Welby has decided that black lives matter so much that a pasty white-supremacist ex oil executive should not be the first among equals in the Anglican Communion.

He is resigning.

Raz Simone, rapper, self-appointed warlord of the independent nation of Chaz (in desperate need of vegan food, incidentally), is a natural for the job because Raz doesn’t care about white-supremacist equality tripe: he is first among equals because he has a large supply of every variety of automatic weapon at his disposal. That’s diversity, baby.

As Justin says:

“I come back to the fact that, in the New Testament, Jesus says be angry about injustice”

Raz is angry all the time. A true follower of Jesus.

Anyhow, you only have to do is look at these two photo-ops of Raz and Justin to see who is really in charge, cool and relevant.

Archbishop Raz:

Archbishop Justin:

Need I say more.

When questioned about the Church of England’s financial situation and the difficulty of collecting, diocesan assessments, Raz said, “No problem, man. Like, it’s the same as the stores in Free Chaz: they pay us and we don’t smash their windows. And you know, like, stained glass windows are so expensive.”

2 thoughts on “Warlord of Chaz to be new Archbishop of Canterbury

  1. Kings come and go; prime ministers come and go; the Archbishops of Canterbury too. Perhaps, a Bishop from GAFCON (majority of Anglicans in the Anglican Communion) may be appointed to this position in the future. Please note that the triune God is the Lord of history.

  2. Perhaps the new appointment may be the one good thing that comes out of the current set-up in No 10. It’s an ill political wind that blows nobody any good. Just keep praying.

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