Anglican Samizdat

“An agreement in principle” has been reached between the Diocese of Niagara and the three parishes that left the diocese in 2008. This article (my emphasis) chronicles the experiences of the Church of one of them, the Good Shepherd in St. Catharines.

Anglican Diocese of Niagara Archdeacon Michael Patterson said the situation has been difficult for all sides and he is looking forward to its conclusion. An agreement in principle has been reached between the two parties, and all that’s required are signatures.

The diocese has not determined what it will do with the church building on Granthoam, Former members of the Good Shepherd parish who disagreed with the split have moved to other congregations in the city, he said.

“They have been patient and waiting upon outcomes to determine what would happen, generations of people who were members of that community, (who) hope upon hope that we’ll be able to re-ignite the community.”

But Patterson said that given the climate of church closures, amalgamations and declining attendance, the diocese cannot commit to re-opening the church.

Archdeacon Michael Patterson admits that the diocese has no real use for the building in St. Catharines; the same would go for St. Hilda’s since there is no congregation eagerly awaiting the return of the diocese there either.

This is at odds with a letter sent to the congregation of St. Hilda’s by Bishops Michael Bird and Ralph Spence in 2008 where they declared their determination to keep the church doors open come what may:

The doors probably will remain open – for the real estate agents and their prospective buyers.

Well, the letter from the Revd. Canon Dr Kenneth Kearon was actually distributed to the whole Anglican Communion; the Diocese of Niagara has taken it personally as “our role” and is proudly displaying the invitation to impart its wisdom on the selection of the next “Focus of Unity for the Anglican Communion” on the diocesan website. Considering it was among the first dioceses to break the moratorium placed by the former “Focus of Unity for the Anglican Communion” on same-sex blessings, this seems a little odd – all must be forgiven.

Who will Bishop Michael Bird recommend, I wonder? Anyone at all, so long as she is gay?

You will be aware that the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, is stepping down as Archbishop at the end of the year. Already the process for the appointment of a successor has begun.

The Archbishop of Canterbury exercises many roles: he is Bishop of the Diocese of Canterbury, Primate of the Church of England, and Focus of Unity for the Anglican Communion. The process of seeking the next Archbishop is led by the Crown Nominations Commission of the Church of England and extensive consultations within the UK have begun with various representatives of the Church of England, other Christian denominations, other faiths and wider church life. Members of the Church of England have also been invited to participate in this process.

The Commission wishes to offer the same opportunity to other members of the Anglican Communion. It is seeking your views on the priorities for the ministry of the next Archbishop in order that the members of the Commission have as rich a picture as possible as they carry out their work.

You may send your views to The Crown Nominations Commission via the Anglican Communion website, www.anglicancommunion.org, or by post to the Crown Nominations Commission, c/o The Anglican Communion Office, St Andrew’s House, 16 Tavistock Crescent, London W11 1AP, UK.

In a surprise move, Bishop Michael Bird announced that he has received a vision from God – not to be confused with something quite different, the Diocesan Vision.

In this vision, Bishop Bird was standing by the Niagara river and behold, there came out of the river three toads, attractive and plump, and they fed in the reed grass.  And behold, 89 other toads, ugly and thin, came up out of the Niagara after them, and stood by the other toads on the bank of the river. And the attractive, plump toads recited the Nicene Creed in a loud voice; as they did so, one of the 89 ugly thin toads disappeared in a puff of smoke. The remaining 88 ugly toads tried to block out the sound of the Creed by putting their fingers in their ears and chanting the Five Marks of Mission at the top of their lungs. All to no avail; before long all the ugly toads had evaporated and then the Bishop’s pension began shrinking. And the Bishop awoke, sweating profusely.

Bishop Bird inquired among the wise in his clerical hierarchy for an interpretation of this vision. Finding no-one who actually was wise, he sent an email to Oprah Winfrey to see if she could explain the vision. This is what she said:

The three good toads are the parishes that have fled and the 89 lean and ugly toads are the parishes that remained with the Diocese of Niagara. The diocese is intent on evicting the parishes that fled, so some of their parishioners will disperse and mingle with the 89 parishes. Since an authentic Christian is as noxious to a Diocese of Niagara clergyman as sunlight is to a vampire, the clergy will all have nervous breakdowns and quit to become bartenders.

After a further week of waking up screaming, the bishop decided to leave the ANiC parishes alone. In the interest of justice. And his pension.

To meet the Pope. I expect the Pope wanted to know if Bishop Bird would like to take any of his gay priests off his hands.

From here:

It was the star of the Oscars, stealing the show with it’s attention-seeking antics.

But Angelina’s lithe leg was kept covered up yesterday as the actress snapped right back to motherly duties.

But while the 36-year-old actress may be keen to move on from her overexposed limb, the rest of the world isn’t quite as ready to forget.

As Angelina was busy shopping with her twins Vivienne and Knox in Beverly Hills, hilarious spoof images of the star were going viral across the net.

Bloggers and artists were having some fun with photoshop last night, circulating pictures of Jolie’s now-infamous right leg slotted into well known photographs and artwork and onto unlikely candidates.

I wasn’t going to bother with this but, since I have so much more spare time now I can’t read tweets from the Diocese of Niagara, it came to my attention. I have no idea who did it:

I found this hitherto unpublished exposition of Bishop Michael’s insight into the trajectory of theological innovation in twenty first century churchmanship to be so deeply meaningful, so infused with the matchless profundity that one has come to expect of that august clerisy of which the bishop is so prominent a member, that I have posted it in its entirety.

I trust you will be as moved by it as I:

From here:

As climate change alters the temperatures of reptile habitats around the globe, tests of one lizard species suggests warmer nests could make some reptiles smarter.

You see: global warming isn’t bad news for everyone. I understand Bishop Michael Bird can now tie his own shoelaces.

Bishop Michael Bird is forging ahead with the ministry of Prophetic Social Justice Making by closing churches. He hasn’t said exactly how many, but ten are under scrutiny in the Undermount Region.

From here (page 4):

A bold new approach to Ministry in the Undermount Region has been initiated by Bishop Michael Bird of Niagara Diocese.

[….]

The new approach is in response to declining church attendance, historic buildings and aging congregations, reported Archdeacon Rick Jones. Speaking at a two evening “Mission” in the fall, Bishop Bird encouraged church members to “think prophetically, and move into God’s mission in the world.” He challenged the 130 church members in attendance to “work collaboratively,” since “we are often isolated from one another in our church ‘silos’ and fail to see the ways that we couls share ideas and resources.”

Archdeacon Rick Jones managed to keep a straight face while declaring church closures a part of “God’s Mission in the World”:

“This Undermount initiative will continue into the New Year with ongoing meetings of church representatives to develop and implement mission strategies and answer the Bishop’s challenge to work collaboratively and discern how the Anglican Churches of Undermount might together engage God’s Mission in the World,” stated Archdeacon Jones.

And John Bowan was on hand to explain how closing churches is an example of Fresh Expressions:

New ideas about being a “missional church” were explored, using materials from the Fresh Expressions movement, Wycliffe College and Dr. John Bowan.

Just another Christmas in the Diocese of Niagara.

From here.

When he announced this at the synod, the reaction was unanimous:

Is there no end to this man’s talent?

From here:

Bishop Michael Bird to Visit St. Cuthbert’s, for the 8 a.m. and 10 a.m. worship, 1541 Oakhill Dr., call  905-844-6200.

Sauga Magic Show, St. Cuthbert’s, Maple Grove and Oakhill, Ray Xu for Cuthbert’s K.I.D.S. magic show at 10 a.m. worship, call 905-844-6200.

I’m going to attend to demonstrate one of my magic tricks: Sawing a Bishop in Half.