Category Archives: Church of England

It’s hotter than Hades down here

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A few years ago, I was chatting about Hell with a friend of one of our children. At the time he was at Oxford studying for a doctorate in theology. We were talking about Hell because he had come to the conclusion that it is empty – of humanity, at least. His reasoning was that once a dead person is confronted by God, the experience would so overwhelm him that he would be unable to do anything other than accept the salvation through Jesus that would still be on offer.

I countered with the objection that by doing this, God would be taking from us his most precious and mysterious gift: our free will. If, after death, we are not permitted to reject God, what meaning is there for those who, in life, accepted him? What of a Christopher Hitchens who saw God as a celestial dictator and wanted no part of him or his heaven? Since the friend is much cleverer than I, I also threw in a few tidbits about free-will from Dostoevsky in the hope that an appeal to authority might deliver at least a wounding blow.

He didn’t appear too wounded when he left, and I have no idea who won the argument or whether it merely ended up as an example of good disagreement. Perhaps not the latter since I privately concluded that he had succumbed to an overdose of liberal wish-fulfillment that would not serve him well outside of the foggy heights of academia.

Our encounter did illuminate one curious thing about today’s church, particularly the Anglican church. I used to think that Anglicans had altogether abandoned the transcendent, preferring to dwell in the temporal, the here and now. That isn’t quite accurate. The church has been replacing the numinous with shabby worldly substitutes for years. Sex instead of the mystical, utopia instead of heaven, socialism instead of charity.

And, of course, global warming instead of Hell.

The Diocese of Bristol and Swindon is right into the swing of things: the diocese has  declared a Climate Emergency. Clergy and laity are doing their bit to save us from the fires of earthly Gehenna by brandishing signs with intense liturgical piety. You can see the fervour in their expressions.

From here:

The Diocese of Bristol and Swindon has declared a climate emergency after a unanimous vote at its last meeting.

In response to the emergency, the Diocese aims to reach net zero carbon emissions by 2030 and has an ambitious policy to help achieve this goal.

It is the first diocese in the Church of England to announce this aim, with others expected to do so over the coming months.

Bishop of Bristol Viv Faull said: “Care for God’s creation is key to our Christian faith. Climate change hits our poorest global neighbours first and worst, exacerbating migration, conflict over resources and the spread of disease.

A church climate strike

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St. Nics in Durham, UK is going on a climate strike apparently. For a church, I’m not sure what that entails but perhaps the vicar will stop preaching sermons, so it won’t be an entirely bad thing.

It’s also rebelling against impending extinction, which is odd for a church since, if humanity is about to become extinct, the eschaton and Jesus’ return must be upon us, an event which should be the cause of rejoicing.

On the other hand, St. Nics having lost all sense of the transcendent may, in a fit of temporal desperation, just be jumping on the fashionable Thunberg bandwagon.

Church of England has a course on how to disagree

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Creating a course on how to disagree makes as much sense as a course on how to engage in sexual intercourse. If you can’t do it without instructions, you probably should find something else to occupy your time.

The meandering path Justin Welby trundled down to take him from the Alpha Course to the Disagreement Course is shrouded in mystery, a fantasy that would be beyond even the fertile imagination of Bunyan and his Byways to places like the Hill of Difficulty or the Slough of Despond.

For those who would like to descend into the Ditch of Disagreement to explore Disagreeing Agreeably, here you are.

Justin Welby comes down from the mountain with 10 digital commandments

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The Church of England has written 10 commandments for the digital age; that should really be “0000 1010 commandments for the digital age” but we’ll let that slide.

The Church is encouraging people to sign their agreement to this digital charter here.

Violators will have their rudeness summarily expunged:

The Church’s and Archbishops’ Communications teams may take action if they receive complaints or spot inappropriate, unsuitable or offensive material posted to the national social media accounts. This may include deleting comments, blocking users or reporting comments as appropriate.

Justin Welby has conveniently summed up the 10 digital commandments in this way:

“Social media has transformed the way we live our lives. As Christians we are called to engage in a way which is shaped by the example of Jesus.”

I found this very inspiring so I though I would try it out. Here goes:

But woe to you, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. Woe to you, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves.

Woe to you, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.

Woe to you, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell?

I’m looking at you, Anglican Church of Canada bishops.

I think I’m getting the hang of it.

More tea vicar?

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The Church of England is putting on a sterling display of self-parody by holding tea parties to heal divisions in Britain, supposedly caused by the UK’s departure from the European Union.

At last we see good disagreement in action.

From here:

The Church of England is to host thousands of post-Brexit tea parties to heal divisions between Brexiteers and Remainers, complete with a set of “conversation starters” designed to break the ice.

New prayers have been written for priests to use at the gatherings, designed to bring together those who “lament” Britain’s exit from the European Union with those who will be celebrating.

Remainers and Brexiteers will be asked to “get together and chat over a cup of tea and pray for our country and our future”.

Celebrating 25 years of women’s ordination

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When I saw this photo, I thought the Rev. Jane Willis was celebrating the Eucharist. You know, the thing that Christians do because it was commanded by the most important person to enter history to commemorate the most important event to occur in history: God becoming flesh, dwelling among us, taking our sin upon himself, giving his life for us and reconciling us to God the Father.

Then I read the caption, saw the grin and realised it was something of far greater cosmic import: 25 years of lady priests. A silly mistake that anyone could have made.

Church of England responds to pre-Synod satirical blog

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The blog that has caused all the confusion can be found here.

And here is the church’s statement

We are aware of a blog entitled ‘Church of England’s Synod may abolish Holy Trinity to include Muslims’.

Apparently some commentators appear not to have realised the author intended it to be a joke. For the avoidance of doubt, this article is entirely without basis of fact, and is published marked as ‘satire’.

The agenda for the July 2018 General Synod can be found here, including details of all Private Member Motions listed for debate.

The Church of England remains fully committed to the doctrine of the Trinity.

As soon as I read this, I realised we had entered murky water: is the church’s statement itself satire? Who can tell anymore? If people thought Jules Gomes was being serious, it is only because what he said seems increasingly plausible.

Even the Church of England thinks it is sufficiently plausible that they are obliged to deny it.

Sometimes I think we are trapped in an ecclesiastical Matrix where nothing is real. In this Faustian simulation, rather than saving souls the church busies itself with fussing over gender fluidity, sexual deviancy of every variety, global warming, fossil fuels, buildings, status, armchair socialism, secular power and, most important, clergy pensions.

I am waiting for someone to pull the plug on the connection to the computer so that the church can reintroduce itself to reality.

The Church of England’s Lego Indaba

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Rowan Williams used Indaba groups to try and cure the divisions in the Church of England. That didn’t work so Justin Welby is trying something new by using Lego “to build 3D metaphors for the state of the church….”

If that doesn’t solve the problems in the Anglican Communion, nothing will.

From here:

The Church of England wants to build a new future… using Lego.

Vicars yesterday used the toy bricks at a bizarre problem-solving session where they were asked to build 3D metaphors for the state of the church and also to describe themselves.

The process apparently ‘liberates the creative imagination’ and helps explore how participants’ ‘ideas, identities, values and expectations might combine to solve problems or discover vision’.

But Anthony Kilmister, chairman of the Anglican Association, said: ‘This beggars belief when the Church is facing so many serious issues.

‘A little more proper conversation and action and a little less playing with Lego might achieve something more constructive.’

The session was held in the diocese of Canterbury, overseen by Archbishop Justin Welby, whose spokesman said: ‘He is always positive about anything that encourages creative thinking.’

Church of England unearths new Charism

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Church of England synods, in keeping with their North American counterparts whom they seem increasingly determined to emulate, seldom tire of justifying their decisions by rubber stamping them with the approval of the “Spirit”. It is only fitting, then, that, with all this attention given to the “Spirit”, the CofE has discovered one of His (or should that be Her?) hitherto unknown Charisms, buried under centuries of ecclesiastical rubble, finally to be unearthed, dusted off and appropriated by every right thinking cleric north of the equator.

What is it? It is the gift of Reality Evasion.

If you are wondering how it operates in practice, you need look no further than the fine example set by the new Bishop of London, Sarah Mullally, among the first of what will probably be a long line of crusading Lady Bishops about to invade and feminise the Anglican Church in the UK.

Here, you can listen in full to her masterpiece of evasion, so deft it could only be supernaturally inspired, and below is an excerpt of her most notable wriggling:

MH: How would you vote when Synod debates blessings for same sex relationships?

SM: Well, at that point I won’t be in Synod, so I won’t have a vote. But what we have to remember is…

MH: How would you vote?

SM: What we have to remember is that this is about people, and, um, the church seeks to demonstrate love to all, because it reflects the God of love, who loves everybody, and obviously this issue isn’t just an issue for London, not just for us in the Church of England, but also the Anglican Community, um and at the moment the church is taking a period to reflect, there is work that is going on, er, and I’m involved in that, and, er, for me that is important that we take a time of reflection, whilst, you know, standing on the traditions of the Church of England…

MH: Would you bless a same sex marriage?

SM: At the moment there is no provision to do that

MH: Would you like there to be that provision?

SM: As I said there is a period of reflection that is going on at the moment, and I am part of that…

MH: Have you not decided how you feel about blessing a same sex marriage?

SM: I think that, what we have to recognize is a real diversity within the Church of England, and if we are going to take seriously the wish of the two Archbishops to take a period of reflection, then we need to allow that process to go ahead, and I have been very encouraged by those who wish to work with us on that. And at the same time we do have to recognize that this is a challenge for all people, and we do this as we have always done it in the past, we manage difference…

MH: [Interrupts] I recognize that this is difficult…a sensitive issue…[continues, then mentions] St Helen’s Bishopsgate where the vicar has said he is looking to the new Bishop to condemn homosexual relationships as sinful, otherwise there will be some kind of break. [Deep breath]. Do you think homosexual relationships are sinful?

SM: Er, well, the comment came across in the press, and one the things I’m doing is meeting those people that reflect the whole diversity across the Church of England. And in a sense it’s not avoiding the subject but it’s recognizing that there is a difference, that the Church of England, um, is taking a period of reflection, and recognizing that it does involve people, so there is a sense in which you have to compassionately, um, deal with these issues, and, er, I am forever encouraged that the church across London is undertaking a whole series of things in communities, to be, er, welcoming to that diversity. And one of the wonderful things yesterday was being out in Hackney, and seeing, er, a church that is welcoming people…

Interviewer interrupts and asks about the possibility of a female Archbishop in her lifetime.

SM replies about focusing on the job in hand.

Interview ends. Programme moves to the weather forecast.

Justin Welby and tiaras: the enduring struggle to appear ever more ridiculous

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The west has developed a degree of immunity to the truth of the Christian message. As St. Paul said 2000 years ago, ”the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing”, a diagnosis that is even more apposite today.

For those few secularists who are not deterred by the apparent foolishness of the cross, the Church of England, under the guidance of Justin Welby, has laboured tirelessly to come up with something contemporary to deter them, an idea that sets a new standard for objective stupidity, one so intrinsically daft that it will be centuries before the church manages to concoct  anything more ridiculous. Boys in tiaras and high heels.

From here:

Boys should be free to choose to wear a tutu, tiara or heels, and girls to wear toolbelts and superhero capes, the Church of England has said in new guidance issued to its schools.

The advice also calls on teachers to avoid using labels that might alienate children’s behaviour “just because it does not conform to gender stereotypes”.

The updated guidance for its 4,700 schools, titled Valuing All God’s Children [pdf], follows advice issued three years ago that covered homophobic bullying. It has now been expanded to include transphobic and biphobic bullying.

The church advises that nursery and primary school should be a time of “creative exploration”, and that pupils should feel free to “try out the many cloaks of identity” and “explore the possibilities of who they might be without judgment or derision”.

In the guidance, the archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, warns that homophobic, biphobic and transphobic bullying causes “profound damage leading to higher levels of mental health disorders, self-harm, depression and suicide”.

The advice adds: “Pupils need to be able to play with the many cloaks of identity (sometimes quite literally with the dressing-up box). Children should be at liberty to explore the possibilities of who they might be without judgement or derision.

“For example, a child may choose the tutu, princess’s tiara and heels and/or the fireman’s helmet, toolbelt and superhero cloak without expectation or comment.”